Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Why did the chicken cross the road?

 Here are some answers from famous folks on the issue:

John F. Kenedy's answer: "It is a giant step for all chickenkind."

Abrahams Lincoln's answer: "Four chickens and twenty eggs ago...."

George Bush's answer"To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights."

George W. Bush's answer:.."We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.  We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not.  The chicken is either with us or it is against us.  There is no middle ground here."  

John Kerry's answer:..."While serving in Vietnam, I was in favor of the chicken crossing the road.  Then later I realized that there were those who needed the chicken on this side of the road.  Now I would like to see the chicken on the other side of the road, unless of course it would be better served to be on this side of the road.  Ideally, I think the chicken should be in the middle of the road."  

Tony Blair's answer: I agree with George

Bill Gate's answer:..."I have just released Chicken Coop XP, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.  And, Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of e-chicken." 

Charles Darwin's answer: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.  IT was the logical next step after coming down out of the trees.

 Michael Kinsley's answer:" Oh, John, come on! Everybody knows the chicken crossed the road. What evidence do you need? It's obvious that the chicken crossed the road. Your whole argument is just a smoke and mirror tactic to distract us from the fact that most chickens polled now cross that road... You ought to be ashamed of yourself, John." 

 Will Rogers, Jr.'s answer: "I never met a chicken I didn't like, If he wishes to cross, it is his right to do so."

Dr. Seuss' answer:..."Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?  Yes the
chicken crossed the road, but why he crossed I've not been told!" Would you, could you cross the street  On your two small chicken feet? I would not, could not cross the street On my two small chicken feet.

Edith Bunker's answer: I s u p o s e i t w a n t e d t o g e t t o t h e o t h e r s i d e. 

Dick Cheney's answer: "Chickens are big-time because they have wings.  They could fly if they wanted to.  Chickens don't want to cross the road.  They don't need help crossing the road.  In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself."

Josef Stalin's answer: "I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette."

George Gallop's answer: Hen Party 42%; Dare 18%; Whim 12%; Business 2%; Undecided 26%.

Douglas MacArthur's answer"He promised to return".

Douglas Adams's answer: "Forty-Two"

Ernest Hemingway's answer:..."To die.  In the rain.   Alone."  

Rodney King's answer"Why can't the chicken just cross the road?"

Jack Nicholson's answer: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Stephen Jay Gould's answer"It is possible there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behaviour, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviours that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation."

Rush Limbaugh's answer: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross  the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take?  Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about  your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

Bob Dylan's answer"How many roads must one chicken cross?"

Clint Eastwood's answer"Cross. Go ahead. Make my day."

Carl Sagan's answer: "To see the billions and billions of stars."

Gandalf's answer: "O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce."

George Lucas' answer: "Because the Force was with it."

Thomas Paine's answer: "Out of common sense." 


Martha Stewart's answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Martin Luther King Jr.'s answer:..."I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question."  

Grandfather's answer:..."In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."  

Barbara Walter's answer:..."Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road."  

Ralph Nader's answer:..."The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed.  The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV."  or he might say, "Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tire makers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tire makers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads, up with chickens."

Jerry Seinfeld's answer:..."Why doesn't anyone ever think to ask...what the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"  

Stan Laurel's answer: "I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run."

Pat Buchanan's answer:..."To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American." 

Aristotle's answer:..."It is the nature of chickens to cross the road." 

Captain Kirk's answer:..."To boldly go where no chicken has gone before."  

Timothy Leary's answer: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Bill Clinton's answer:..."I did not cross the road with that chicken.  What do you mean by "chicken"?...Could you define "chicken", please?"  

Albert Einstein's answer:.."Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?"  

Mohammed Saeed Al Sarahaeef's answer (COMICAL ALI):  The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We do not even have a chicken.

Groucho Marx's answer: "Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs."

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together in peace.

Moses' answer:  And God said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road."  And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Sigmund Freud's answer:..."The very fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity."  

Siskel and Ebert:'s answer: 
Siskel: I don't know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up! 
Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken's crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn't emote very well. It couldn't even speak English! Thumbs down!

The Skeptic's answer:  What road?

Buddha's answer: “Therefore, on the road there is no chicken, no road, nor perception of the road, nor impulse to cross it, nor consciousness of the road, no feathers, no beak, no clawed feet, no chicken. No road no chicken no crossing . . . only the great prajnaparamita of the empty form of chicken and the empty form of the road, and that emptiness; gone, gone, gone beyond, gone altogether beyond. ‘But, O Buddha,’ said Sariputta, ‘what is that crossing the road before us at this moment?’ And the Great One replied, ‘A chicken, Sariputta.’ ‘But why, O Great One, does it cross the road?’ ‘To get to the other side, Sariputta.’ Om.”

Jerry Falwell: “Because the chicken was a professed homosexual. Isn't it obvious? That's what they call it — the "other side". Yes, my friends, the truth is that- that chicken is gay. Let's just say it like it is.  The liberal media thinks they can whitewash you with the use of seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’”

Ronald Reagan's answer:  I forgot.

Condoleezza Rice's answer: “That chicken will cross the road only when this government decides that regime change is in its long-term strategic interest.”

Carl Jung's answer: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Hillary Clinton's answer There are no chickens.  It's all part of a vast right wing conspiracy. 

Robert Frost's answer: "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...and the chicken - the chicken crossed the one less trodden upon, and that has made all the difference."

Sir Issac Newton's answer: "It is the law of chicken reaction - for every chicken that crosses over to the other side, there must be an equal and opposite crossing back to this side." 

Bill Clinton's answer (again):  I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.  However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the chicken a job in New York.

Hans Blix's answer: We have reason to believe there may be potential for this chicken's capability, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road. 

Colin Powell's answer:" Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road."

Hamlet's answer: Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind, the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of oncoming vehicles... 

J.R.R. Tolkien's answer: "The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it"

Time Magazine Expose"The web of intrigue and attention this avian creature seems to be attracting, we thought we would give it prominence on the cover and invite readers to add their contribution - no particular pecking order of course. " 

Darth  Vader's answer:" Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side"

Iniogo's answer: Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You crossed my father's road. Prepare to die. 

Howard Cosell's answer: "It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence".

The Godfather's answer:."Give me ten minutes alone with the chicken and I'll find out."  

Gilligan's answer: "The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail, the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!"

William Shakespear's answer: "I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado. "

Louis Farrakhan's answer:..."The road, you see, represents the black man.  The chicken crossed the black man" in order to trample him and keep him down." 

Julius Ceasar's answer "To come, to see, to conquer!"

Colonel Sanders' answer: "Did I miss one?"

Homer Simpson's answer: "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  chicken!"


  1. hilarious! did you write all that?

  2. no. It is a file that I had on my other computer....

    Glad you liked it. They make me laugh!

    I don't know who wrote it. I think it is a collection from more than one source... none of which claimed any authorship.